The Surprising Way to Improve Your Sex Life

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Sometimes science validates what we already intrinsically know, but perhaps haven’t put into words.  New research shows one way to keep desire strong is to be response to your partner’s needs out of the bedroom.


The Wall Street Journal (10/18/16), in an article, “The Fantastic Benefits of Being Nice in a Relationship”, reports an Israeli study, says people who are responsive do three things:

They understand what their partner is really saying,

They validate what is important to their partner, such as his or her attitudes, goals and desires, and care for or express warmth and affection toward their partner.

“Responsiveness creates a deep feeling that someone really knows and understands you…It makes you feel unique and special, and that is very, very sexy.”  

The new research, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, consists of three studies of more than 100 heterosexual couples each.   In one, for example, researchers reviewed videotapes of couples as one partner told a positive or negative personal story and the other responded.  Then they were told to express physical intimacy.  Researchers coded the subjects’ responsiveness and their expressions of desire.

“The studies showed that both men and women who felt their partner was more responsive felt more sexual desire for their partner.  But women were affected more than men when their partner was responsive, meaning their desire for their partner increased more.  The researchers believe women’s sexual desire is more sensitive in general to the emotional atmosphere than men’s.”

Of course, these studies were about heterosexual couples and, as far as I know, there is no information re diversity, cultural differences, etc.  And yet, we know that partners feel safest when their loved ones are Accessible, Responsive and Engaged.  This study supports EFT’s tenets that a secure and responsive relationship can lead to a more satisfying and fun sexual relationship.

Categories: Marriage


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